Depression ate me whole coz...

Last night, I cried.

I cried for something that's real.
I cried because I felt sad.
But later on, I cried because I realized...

It was real.

A real variety of "it" is rare to find in cases such as mine.

And in the end, the tears I cried... were tears of joy.

After the worst was over, I went to my room to contemplate... And avoid the possibility of my mom finding me in the state I was in. When I really thought about it, I realized that those tears prove that what I felt is real. That when I cry for my life as a human in real life, was being human.

That I prioritize something that is real, over something that is virtual.

I loved him despite his imperfections... I hope he loved me the same way. After all, from what I believe, it is the essence of humanity. Loving despite of imperfections. Filling in each other's gaps.

*sigh* you're so near yet so far... ='(

I cry again.

It's already been a month? Waaaaaaah!

Oh yesh.. summer vacation. One would've expected a blogger such as me to update my blog more often since it's summer vacation, one would expect I'd have lost my workload since there are no classes! But the truth is... NOT! My work just piled up actually. Yes, it's summer vacation for me, but it's also summer vacation for everyone else. So naturally, our shop is always a full house! I might as well be packed along with them inside a can of sardines! (and that is NO joke! @_@)

Now that I opened my Blogger dashboard, I realized it's only been barely a month ago since I last posted an update here. Know what? It felt like a year! (in my mind i know it's been a month but it still FELT like a looooong time) Now I know why they say work makes you feel old (and LOOK old!). I really need a trustworthy assistant around here who's got as much (or even more) computer-know-how than me. At the rate I'm going, I'll drop dead after another month of whole day, no rest workload. (and they say my brother works his ass off? Look at me!! X_x)

So enough rants. What am I up to these days? Well, aside from work, I'm still working on the auditing blah blahs of our store. Too many numbers.. Me dizzy.. me go sleep! x.x errr.. that's what I wanted.. But I couldn't do it.. And besides if I do fall asleep, my mom would just kick my arse and send me back to work. XD (this still sounds like a rant! ARGH!!) CHANGE TOPIC!!!

My big ol' shnuggleplum bradah says he'll visit me here along with my sister-in-law and their son.. I can't wait! I can't get over how cute he is! LOL! I'ma sucker for cute stuff, so what! >.< Another thing for me to expect is my hubby coming to visit me here! He says it's gonna be a surprise visit. Okaaaaay.. that's one thing I'm not sure I'd be lookin forward to. I'd hate for him to catch me in my working clothes.. feeling, smelling, looking like hell.. That's gonna be a nightmare. X.x won't be such a good first, second, third or even last impression. ~_~

Ahh.. what else.. Want me to rant about my online VR life? Well frankly speaking, I'm convincing myself that everything's just fine. But really, it's not. I don't like the way things are going for us and them. 2 groups.. 2 factions under the same roof? I must admit that I'm not new to the scenario but one thing I can surely tell you is.. IT SUCKS! The only thing I'm praying for now is.. well.. I hope our efforts will be rewarded.. We're not doing this for ourselves but for everyone else. We're busy enough just keeping each other sane.. Why can't some people see that? *sigh*

Setting all those rants aside.. thankfully I was lucky (or maybe even blessed) enough to have someone who can take care for me, and watch my back when I forget.

Thanks for being there for me.. Though I have failed you many times.. Countless times.. You kept me going through the tough times.. You still stood by me even when I was about to give up.. You kept my head held high. I owe you a whole lot. Thanks so much dearie. :)

I know this was the last time we saw each other through our virtual alter egos. Even when we weren't exactly in the best of terms, you were there for me. I'm sorry I got you red coz you killed the guy who killed me.. (My knight in shining armor..) *dreamy, mushy look* XD

It's time for me to sleep now.. hehe. ^^

The What's Your Signature Weapon Test

It happens to be my favorite pistol in CS! ^_^

Desert Eagle You preferred a weapon with 29% power over speed and 61% range over melee.

You use a Desert Eagle. One of the most powerful handguns in production, the Desert Eagle is a heavy punch in a small package. Its reliability and speed are remarkable for a gun with such high caliber. Your enemies won't stand a chance as you fell them bullet by bullet.

What D&D character are you?

My first post after a month and I couldn't think of what to say! LOL okay, so here's a quiz from my brother's blog:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I Am A: Neutral Good Half-Elf Ranger Cleric


Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.


Race:
Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.


Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Secondary Class:
Clerics are the voices of their God/desses on Earth. They perform the work of their deity, but this doesn't mean that they preach to a congregation all their lives. If their deity needs something done, they will do it, and can call upon that deity's power to accomplish their goals.


Deity:
Mielikki is the Neutral Good goddess of the forest and autumn. She is also known as the Lady of the Forest, and is the Patron of Rangers. Her followers are devoted to nature, and believe in the positive and outreaching elements of it. They use light armor, and a variety of weapons suitable for hunting, which they are quite skilled at. Mielikki's symbol is a unicorn head.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Detailed Results:
Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXX (8)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Evil ---- (-1)

Race:
Human ---- XX (2)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXX (8)
Elf ------ XXXXX (5)
Halfling - (-1)
Dwarf ---- (-2)
Half-Orc - (0)
Gnome ---- XXXXXX (6)

Class:
Fighter - (-3)
Ranger -- XXXXXXXX (8)
Paladin - XX (2)
Cleric -- XXXXX (5)
Mage ---- XXX (3)
Druid --- XXX (3)
Thief --- (-1)
Bard ---- XXXXX (5)
Monk ---- XXX (3)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

that was a fun blog quiz. :lmao:

False alarm!

I just wanna post today to say that I've been such a traumatic, paranoid, lil' kitty for too long. What was that again? "Walking on eggshells"? O.o damn those eggshells I really should start stomping on them! >.<

Well.. false alarm. I didn't lose after all. YaY!

*hugs her kitty stuff toys and hums to herself~*

I was honest to a fault...

People say I'm special.
They say I'm different.
I have traits that put me in my own league.
That I am one of a kind.
I wonder how many of those people truly meant it...
Or just said it to make me feel good for them and myself.

At one point, I knew that the truth hurts. But when it comes down to it, I never really thought why. So I guess this was the reason... If you're honest to a fault, it's a make-or-break moment. You either win all or lose all.

Unfortunately, I feel like I just lost all.

Can I press the "Reset" button and choose "Continue Game"?

i miss...

my bed.
my teddy bear, Lei.
my goldfish, Goldie.
my dog, Chopper. (who almost chopped my hand)
my friends in the neighborhood.
my christmas gifts. (never went to godparents)
my fireworks.
my elf.
my guildmates.
my allies.
him.
and him.

I feel so crappy it confuses me. I find myself wondering why the hell am I thinking like this... weird. Just weird.

My world... spinnin' round and round... Did I miss a beat?

This is definitely one of the worst moments of my blogging life. If not the worst. It's so bad, I can't find the words to explain it! CRAP! >.<

Time passes so quickly before you realize it.

And when you lose track of time, you can't help but be left behind.
When you're left behind, you tend to think back.
Think of past mistakes... Wallow in your thoughts and regret.
... and end up never advancing at all.
That's where I am now.
Lost in time.
And there are too many doors of opportunity (and misfortune) for me to choose from.

It's too bad I wasn't able to update this blog around say... January 1 or 2. I sure would've been able to put a happy post. But now that I lost my New Year cheers (and of course, not as much customers as I had this past holiday), I have enough time to cook up something *good* to start my new year as a neko blogger.

Here's a list of stuff I wanna do this year: (these are not resolutions, coz I'm not one to follow my resolutions, it's just stupid)
1. apply for a non-pro license
2. go on a serious diet (WTF?)
3. go back to school
4. beg my parents to apply for Smart WiFi or PLDT myDSL
5. try playing Guild Wars (if I ever get a CD installer, that is)
6. try playing RF Online (same as above)
7. train my tongue to get less twisted when speaking my other languages... say, straight English? =.=
8. buy new clothes
9. in relation to 8, learn how to carry a skirt. even a long one. just for a friggin' day. without kickin' butt!! XD
10. eat my brother Tuna alive. WHAT? I'm a cat. Sue me. >:D
11. kill **** /gg
12. get a life, for me and my brother Tuna (know anyone selling? tax free and all amenities paid for? O_o)
13. maybe find my sanity and stop playing innocent

Errr... That's a friggin bad number. Lemme add something later... If I can think of one. X_x

Anyway for those people who frequent my blog and watch my exploits written down not-so-neatly, thanks. I appreciate the concern. Thanks to a few gracious people my daddy pays to talk to me (well my cellphone number IS postpaid, so he pays the bills, hahaha!), I was able to get through the rough holidays partly still sane. It really works wonders... This voice chat thing. *worship Y!M OMG!* XD

Oh yeah, I remembered this! Another one for the list!14. find my student permit first before i do #2

Wahahaha! XD

About the post title... Hmm. I'm in too good a mood to start blabbering about it. Lemme savor this moment of bliss for a few more hours... ^_^;

(this post was created january 5, i just got too busy to log back in and actually post it. T_T)