Unstable Ground

It's been a whirlwind of emotions these past 3 weeks. Something I've been waiting for since February came knocking on my door (well – they actually called, but you get the drift) and asked me if I still wanted to push through. Of course I said yes. But damn, I'm so exhausted. The fatigue is eating through my stamina, I wish the body fat would melt along with it. 😩

Shortcuts are a way to reach the same destination in a shorter amount of time compared to a normal route. That's what my course is. Yes, I finally went back to school. I'm just bulldozing through the damn thing hoping I pass. Let's hope my body can keep up. 😂

I feel like my life has purpose again. Even thought like a restart because it's been almost 20 years since I was a student. This blog was a witness through most of it. So I don't care as much that I feel so sleep-deprived and 24 hours per day are severely lacking. 10 weeks (7 left since I started 3 weeks ago) will be a breeze. I've taken the first step and I'm not turning back.

Thanks, Universe. Please be kind to me this time.

august

You still cross my mind everyday, sometimes from a triggered memory, other times out of the blue. The good news is, it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

One time last month I wondered, did you do something to stop the pain? Or is this what you meant would happen after you cut that red string? These thoughts make me doubt my mental state, but they're hard to ignore knowing what we went through.

You chatted me up this weekend and asked if I had money. I answered no. I still don't know what else you want, is this your way of checking up on me? I'm confused. I recalled that Soft Pillow question all those years ago...

I had an idea what the money was for, but I didn't want to come across as presumptuous so I asked — you didn't respond.

From talking everyday to chatting once a month... Oh, how things have changed. I never really wanted anything more than friendship, but you opened the possibilities and I hoped... No, I prayed for things I shouldn't.

The price I paid for these false hopes is steep. But maybe, was it just me or us? Did you end up absorbing everything again? I really hope not. The last thing I wanted for you was to suffer more heartache.

My memories of you bring happiness and peace, but it also calls back the pain. Our reunion came and went as fast as summer rain.

We last parted ways after a car ride. That day I surprised you outside your home, we went to church, ate samgyupsal, cracking jokes only lovers would. You bought brownies for me to take home. I remember our kiss — bittersweet and holding back. I knew we felt where all this was going.

I remember our promises, both broken and fulfilled. Our prayers, hopes, and dreams together. It was beautiful. It was home. It was love. But it wasn't ours to have.

So I've been making a conscious effort to bury our precious memories in the depths of my mind. Overwriting where I can. I've done this before, I can do it again. Thus is Fate tied down by Reality.

But my life will never be the same.

These are words I want to say to you, but I know I shouldn't. And so to the journal they go.

I wish you happiness, bi. I wish you love. Know that my heart wants your heart to be full and whole.

2-week quarantine thoughts

I sleep better now when I don't feel compelled to wait for the president's public address lul

Bullshit cringefest that is. Pssh

10 Years Later...

I am literally reviving this blog after almost 10 years. That's amazing.

Yeah, it feels like forever. XD

Not sure why I did it, I was just checking another website on uptrends.com to see if it's really down when the blog showed up somehow and I found that I can still log in. Yipee! Hurray for a consolidated Google account! (´･ω･`)

So what have I been up to? Well, I've moved on to a new company, met new friends among them my husband - so yes, I got married, had a kid, moved house several times but still in a financial rut, so really nothing new. >_< Most of the time it's "same shit, different day".

Now going back to the blog, turns out an evil URL I posted a decade ago corrupted the main blog page and I removed it already, so it's fixed! In addition, I also upgraded the theme and re-registered for AdSense, but I have no idea how much help that's gonna be. LOL. Sadly, that action also removed my sidebar widgets, and my blogger friends' blog links along with it. I'll have to figure out how to retrieve those later... if I can.

Well, that's it for now. Time will tell if I'll go back and write a new entry after this. Until then, Neko-chan must go back to adulting. =)

FAIL OTL

My Gmail account got blocked who-knows-when because Gmail says there was suspicious activity on my account. Whatevurrrr. Thanks for the unintentional panic you caused me guys. =____=;


CHARICE's ALBUM IS PURE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Mahirap kalaban ang katamaran.

I know I promised Tito Bots I'll tell him about my stalker. Apparently, it's a bad thing for a blogger to lose interest because you tend to shy away from the daunting task of recording it. YES I AM LAZEEEEEEH. And sad to say I LOVE IT. XDDDD

Anyways, the guy already stopped bugging me after I lashed my sharp tongue (or fingers in my case) at him. Just two messages for him to keep his distance. I'm still too good to simply say 'Fuck off'. It also helped that Jay threatened him [indirectly]. lol.

Am now about to try Pet Forest on Facebook. After getting hooked on TinierMe, who knows... I just might be starting to perk up my online activity. Whew!

This post has no tags whatsoever. For a freakin change.

Let there be Spark!!

Currently Playing: Timbaland feat. Katy Perry - If We Ever Meet Again

We can now send in suggestions in behalf of our members! KEWLNESS. (actually, I found out roughly two weeks ago and completely forgot about it. What a responsible employee I am! /headdesk)

I sent an email blast to the team earlier after our team huddle to share the Innovation Forum with all the reps. I hope this stuff works otherwise, I'll need to punch someone squarely in the face. �_� me thinks I need to do more sit-ups btw. Off topic, I know. XD

In other news, I'm so EXCITED about TinierMe! Cutesy at its finest~ I never was very adept with Gaia Online, I grew tired of that quickly. TinierMe is the new OzWorld. Fishing galore~ XDXD So anyway, due to the limited budget I have to spend on outfits, I settled on a simple cosplay.

Meet my Haibara Ai! XD

ChibiPet Area (someone in a kimono right there)

Join me in Selfy Town, register on TinierMe!

Audition Tribute? *blinks*

I think the featured video on http://www.clubaudition.com.ph/ is outdated. The video was posted last December 2009. (Nice one Exoduz! :3) Okay, so maybe it's not as outdated, pero it would be nice if they updated it every month. Kaya nga featured eh, it should stay there only for a set period of time. Maybe it's updated every quarter? XDXD

Dear kenchii commented that PF (Pussyfierz) club shoulda been there too, but I think di na included because PF has been inactive for a very long time. I should know, I was there. Ex-club moderator-turned-club-babysitter. Hays, the good old days. =/

...I miss playing Audition already. :( Should I play again?...

Wait... what's my account user ID again? =.= Crap. $&#()@#^@&#%~!!! /facepalm Why is the e-Games account page SO useless D: SOMEONE IMPROVE THE INTERFACE FAST RUSH GRRRR!

/endrant

P.S. Congratulations to XLR8 especially to my prodigal brother Kiko Ramos, aka pussyfierXYN. Your ate Rakie (excluding me, LOL jk) is proud of you. ;)

You're So Hot MV this was shown @ Domi4