I'd be lying if I said I'm healed. I'm not quite there yet. There's still a certain weakness there for you – a persistent part of me that refuses to let go and see you in a bad light. My tender self who wants you to find happiness even if it's not with me. The younger me who wants a do-over with knowledge of the future.
I can't bring myself to watch Lovely Runner while this persona exists.
I'm not okay. I just make it seem so. In a hostile world, no one will fight for you if not out of selfless love. I still can't forgive myself for the crap I allowed to happen. Things went the way they did because of me. All I can do now is to drink wine and accept that I can't change the past. In Vino Veritas.
I can't bring myself to watch Queen of Tears while I haven't completely forgiven us all.
I told myself, that the moment I stop crying over the last 10 songs of your playlist, I would know I'm over you. That I would stop adding and removing songs from it. I already stopped crying, but the editing didn't.
You made me cry again last night. Dangerous. You still have power over me that I must refuse to grant you again.
People change, so does love. But they both stay, apparently, in some way or form.
I don't understand you, really. What sort of self-respecting woman would I be if I let you hurt me again? Are you this desperate for attention? I will resist and persist for as long as I have to.
If this is your way of destroying our precious memories together, you're doing a fantastic job.
They say "you deserve what you tolerate".
I don't deserve this from you.
She doesn't deserve this from you.
Your kid will carry a generational curse the same way you did.
If you still don't understand, you're hopeless...
I wanted you to live the life you deserve. The Universe seems to tell me this is it.
Then you called.
No comments:
Post a Comment