Die With A Smile

Sunday, August 18th. Body clock gone to shit and felt the sandman around 7AM.

I stirred from sleep in a rather messy room. Still felt groggy but knew I wasn't alone, so I forced my eyes open. I saw you there with your usual cheeky smile, you were in a good mood. Were you watching me sleep?

I asked what you were doing there (why didn't I ask why I was there 🤦‍♀️) and I don't remember your answer, but it seems there's an upcoming family gathering. It's your family's business in your mother's house, and against better judgment I was gonna join.

You said "I missed you". I broke eye contact.

I got up from bed and checked something across the room. We talked casually about your niece, I must be there on her invitation otherwise I really don't know why I'd be there. Later on you asked if the doll you unintentionally sat on was mine, then you held up a Barbie doll with messy blonde hair. (I brought a doll??) I frowned, not sure how to answer, then reached up behind you to show that no, that wasn't mine, and that my doll is safe behind a pillow. She had pristine, wavy brown hair. Maybe it's my gift for a younger niece.

You asked me if I wanted some coffee, I declined saying I want to sleep more. It was dark out, I yawned and stretched... my guard was down. Taking advantage of our closeness, you hugged my upper torso and sort of lifted me towards you, bringing us both down on the mattress with me on top. You kissed me and as if on autopilot, I kissed back. You flashed a quick mischievous grin, then we both said, "hindi na pwede". But you were friggin hard down there. 🤦‍♀️ I struggled to get off you and out of your arms, before a phone call jolted me awake.

It's funny how your touch felt warm and familiar in that dream. I should've forgotten by now. What's more baffling was it felt like I really was in your arms right before I woke up. Am I going crazy or what?

Today I thought long and hard as to what triggered that dream, trying to look at it from a logical perspective. I realized if I gave these memories a chance, I would still fucking hold a torch for you.

We should never meet again, you and I.