A Sudden Farewell..?

5 hours after watching Midori no Hibi's last episode, "Last Days", it got me thinking: "Can I condense 3 years into 13 days?"

A few days from now... actually, exactly a week from now, Kyle will be leaving for Taiwan. After watching Midori no Hibi (I just finished recording the episode on the laptop for the third time today ^^;), a peculiar thought paid my twisted mind a second visit. I thought of falling into a three-year coma, and accompanying him overseas in Spirit form until the day he returns to the country (where my body would be), or until I feel confident enough to leave him by himself there. Sure, I wouldn't be able to do things with him like Midori was able to with Seiji Sawamura, but seeing him everyday would've been more than enough for poor lil' ol' me. :D *think Yo Asakura with Amidamaru floating beside him*

Like my last entry in "Sentiments on the Marble Floor", I'm still doting over this animé series' storyline. My feelings during my composition time had something to do with how I saw Midori. In my recording, Midori said: "I feel sad. I feel lonely for some reason... I want to feel how I felt before. I want to feel safe... I want to feel like somebody's protecting me. That's how I felt when I was asleep. I want that back!" This series left me feeling so incomplete... Like my heart's being torn apart because I wanted to do something but there's always something keeping me from doing it. First, the people around me who control me... and fears and anxieties in me that I can't get rid of. Or maybe... I'm too afraid to even try..? If only I had someone I know who can act as my Kouta (spelling?)... and stop my parents from hindering my first step into a free life, or at least, a life close enough to what you can call free. In the end, I left myself in thought, wishing one of my other selves knew how to stand up for me at the right time. They have such lousy timing...

If I was grumpy last time, this time around I'm feeling rather forlorn. I believe I may be experiencing the same thing my brother Kenny was lately (he's not my blood relative, mind you). I wish I could seek his counsel now, like he did with me last week. I just know he'd knock some sense into me. Perhaps a word or two would wake me up from this dream state I'm in. But, on the other hand, I never had the heart to ask him... If he's still up to the task of keeping my trail of thoughts straight. Then Mia calmly reminds me: "No prob. You know I'd do anything to help.Ü" That's what he said when I thanked him and apologized for the trouble I caused him. That's when I badly wished I had a brother. His shoulder would've sufficed.

To top off my entry for today... I'd like to describe how I imagined myself this afernoon... after my brain got messed up and I directed my frustration towards yet another innocent bystander.

"I was all curled up, not moving, and eyes shut tight as if trying to erase a horrible thought. Before I realized it, I made myself a cage of tears, and the bird inside was me. As people pass by, I scream for them to help me escape, yet no one understood... for all they heard was the sound of sweet chirps forming up a song. Little did they realize... that the bird inside... was singing its dying song. And as time passed, the bird was long-forgotten. With body turned to ash and blown by the wind, she was finally set free."

Upon thinking over the last line, I suddenly thought: "Would this mean that I can only be truly free in death? The cards must be playing a trick on me." But then again, I knew for myself that more often than not, my "premonitions" in the form of daydreams give a significant meaning. I'm just hoping this is one of those spur-of-the-moment thoughts, and nothing like this would ever have to happen to me.

And, about my last wish in Sentiments... Know what? No one kidnapped me. *pouts*