10 Years Later...

I am literally reviving this blog after almost 10 years. That's amazing.

Yeah, it feels like forever. XD

Not sure why I did it, I was just checking another website on uptrends.com to see if it's really down when the blog showed up somehow and I found that I can still log in. Yipee! Hurray for a consolidated Google account! (´･ω･`)

So what have I been up to? Well, I've moved on to a new company, met new friends among them my husband - so yes, I got married, had a kid, moved house several times but still in a financial rut, so really nothing new. >_< Most of the time it's "same shit, different day".

Now going back to the blog, turns out an evil URL I posted a decade ago corrupted the main blog page and I removed it already, so it's fixed! In addition, I also upgraded the theme and re-registered for AdSense, but I have no idea how much help that's gonna be. LOL. Sadly, that action also removed my sidebar widgets, and my blogger friends' blog links along with it. I'll have to figure out how to retrieve those later... if I can.

Well, that's it for now. Time will tell if I'll go back and write a new entry after this. Until then, Neko-chan must go back to adulting. =)

A stone wrapped in fancy paper

Currently Playing: Hysteric Blue - Grow Up (OP theme from Ghosts at School)


I had this funny feeling that something was bound to happen this week (again), and there's no surprise in knowing I was right. Migraine attacked last Monday so I had to go to the clinic to rest. My teammates, Russel and Jay had to escort me to the 21st floor for that. So, kamusta ang production time? -_- What upset me more was the fact that I contributed to the infraction issued on Jay last Sunday. This, in turn, gave my boss (who had a migraine attack like me on the same day) a bad mood when she returned to the office. Life really sucked.

I also got 'the talk' from three people about my status at work: that would be Jay, my dad and my boss.

Last Sunday, he decided to wait for me after shift so we can go to iHooked together. I was finishing my reports for last week.

Jay: Matagal pa ba yan?
Me: Yeah, may 11 scrubs pa kong kailangang i-fill in. (11/15)
Jay: Tapos every week nyong ginagawa yan?
Me: *nods*
Jay: May dagdag ba sa sahod yan?
Me: ..wala. (please don't start..)
Jay: *looks back at Sferm, doing the same reports for our team* Dapat may dagdag man lang sa sahod nyo yan, sayang yung oras at pagod nyo.
Me: Alam ko, but it's how apprentices are... (change subject, di maka-defend) Know what, mauna ka na sa iHooked. I'll try to finish up agad.
Jay: Di na, wala rin naman akong gagawin. Sayang lang pera.
Me: O baka naman wala nang pera? *laughs*
Jay: *chuckles* Ganun na rin yun.

He dozed off in the chair beside me, and later on the infraction was given. Hay! Guilt trip ang lola nyo! Just think, if he went on ahead to iHooked, he wouldn't have fallen asleep in the office. For two straight days I treated him to breakfast as an apology. He didn't ask to, but heck. Next time, I'll really have to do Deep Dive faster. T_T The next day, we were both sitting in the same seats as yesterday.

Jay: Akala ko ba tapos na yan?
Me: Sorry naman! Alam mo namang ansakit sa ulong mag-analyze nito eh. (QA note: mahirap pag-aralan ang pagkakamali ng iba!!)
Jay: *looks in and shifts the LCD monitor to face him* .......
Me: See?
Jay: ......
Me: Pramis talaga, I'll speed this up. Mauna ka na dun. I'll manage.
(later on, he gets called by someone he knows)
Jay: *stands up* labas lang kami.

Several minutes later, deep dive pa rin ang drama ko.

Jay: *upo ulit* ano?
Me: 3 na lang. Kakatapos ko lang nung kay Anadelle. *pouts* sakit sa ulo.
(biglang dating ni Erlyn.)
Erlyn: Oi Kris! Ba't andito pa kayo ni Jay?
Me: Hinihintay nya kong matapos yung Deep Dive ko. >.<
Erlyn: Waa, kayo na ni Jay?
Me: HA?
Erlyn: *laughs*

People in the department are crazy people, and Erlyn is one of them. I know, she came from Team JC. Takes one to know one. I mean, what's my report got to do with Jay? -_- The whole point of this is, the things I do more often than not get other people in trouble. Pain in the ass talaga. To make it worse, this happened on the same day that I recovered from my migraine. Ano baaaaa.

Second sermon: So I had my coaching session with boss yesterday, around past 2AM. It lasted until the end of shift, me in tears (as usual). Noo question about it -- everything she says about what I tell her, it's all truth. Tagos sa buto. Things have been difficult for me these past few months, what with pressure both at work and at home. My personal life is absolutely NOT making things any better. And this was the day after Mike called and told me the reason why he's not contacting me for 2+ weeks. Dude, you might as well have forgotten you had a girlfriend worried sick about you. As I said, if you're planning to go this path, you might as well tell me and let me go. You're not the only one suffering. I've been on the receiving end of the world's problems and I have no one to vent it out to. Thanks for helping. /sarcasm

Sabishii kuse ni
"Kamatte hoshii" iezu ni nankai hanikan da?
How many times have I felt lonely and said,
"I want you to care about me?"

If my boss reads this, I guess this is another reason why you heard me confess the way I did. Kita mo naman reaksyon ko; kalahating oras akong nagkulong sa cubicle ng CR. Pathetic with a capital P. I haven't cried like that since Mike and I last fought. Wooh.

So I was with my dad earlier on and he asked me about my problems at the workplace.

Dad: Alin ang mas madali, yung agent ka lang o yung nadagdagan ka ng QA reports?
Me: Agent lang.
Dad: E di tanungin mo kung pwedeng bitawan. Tutal wala naman palang dagdag sa sahod.
Me: .... *walks on*
Dad: Diba para kang dumampot ng bato tapos pinukol mo sa ulo?
Me: *laughs* parang ganun nga..
Dad: Kung may increase, sana you can say na binalot mo yung bato ng hundred-peso bills. At least it kind of softens the blow.
Me: Parang reward and punishment? At least you suffer for something but get rewarded for it..
Dad: *nods*

This was when I realized, he's right. It goes the same for other stuff you take upon yourself to do, and end up not doing because you lose interest or you lack the motivation to do so. He just has no idea how many times I've thought of doing worse.

But then again, as hypocritical people say, we have to make sacrifices. Whether they're for your own good or for others, you'll experience it at least once in a lifetime. Problem is, you don't know how long you have to keep doing it in order to actually see the results. Speaking of problems, reality check: they're a part of life. You dish it, you deal with it. It's like bubblegum stuck on your pants, it won't go away unless you do something about it.

*sigh*

Audition: ex-pfMEI PWNS again!!!111one

Currently Playing: Mizuki Ichiro - Mazinger Z Theme

Yes! Mei does it again! Rakie took a pic of it for me:

Click it for larger image

You may think it's not necessary for me to post such, but seeing my friend in that "tight spot" on her own isn't my cup of tea. I had to act. =P

Oh, this is what she said btw:

It took quite a few takes to get all her typos down pat, so the previous convos are invisible. (have to press F3 to make them reappear) hahaha LOL!

Anyways I just made an update for that, just in case some stupid bastard decides to have my post deleted. This will serve as another painful reminder of what was once the best club a newbie can ask for. Hahaha. =P

P.S.
Here's a direct link to the post I made: Click!

Tears of Blood

Currently Playing: Jewelry - Again

Is it worth risking everything for one last chance?

2 nights ago a disaster hit the Pussyfierz Club because for the first time in months, I decided to go ahead with my plan of quitting the club. (haha. as if.)


Reason? I got fed up of all the sh*t they manage to come up with and because they ruined someone's life.

They ruined my friend's life.

One of the few people I consider my CLOSEST friends.

I was crushed.


Part I - I wanna be all right...


That night, Bryan (pussyfierAHU) released a blind item about a member who is iba ibang tao ang kinakasama araw araw (suggesting "playing the field"). I knew the person he was pertaining to, and I know her better than Bryan ever will.

He accused Nish (pussyfierEYA) of being a player just because he saw her being all sweet with pussyfierJEA one day, and being all sweet with JustJoe of Exoduz on the next.

Then add the fact that Marvin (pussyfierLYT) just broke up with her a few days ago.

Terribly wrong at first glance right?


Now if you find out that JEA is nothing more than a friend and that she refused to let him court her because she was still in grieving...

And that JustJoe has been her friend even before she joined the Pussyfierz...

Who is put in the Truth Chair?


I asked him that night,

"What the hell have you been doing? What's all this ruckus on the GMs? Didn't you understand what I meant by NO FIGHT BROADCASTS ON GMS?"

And he answered this.

"Di mo kasi alam yung nakita ko on game kanina eh. Di ko na share sa inyo kasi nasabi nyo naman yung gusto nyong sabihin without getting my side."

~ Kung hindi "pinangungunahan" ang tawag dun, aba'y ewan ko na sa inyo.


Part II - NEVER SAY GOODBYE...


I had Jesse send a GM on my behalf, led by a crisp "POTANGNA NYONG LAHAT!", and scolding each and every one of them retards for once again, fighting on Group Messages. What part of "WAG MAG-AWAY SA GM" did they not understand? Even a Grade 1 student would probably get it, and keep mum about whatever it is he has to say. Especially when he's been scolded for the same reason over and over again. But no, this isn't the case for these people. If you ever lack persistence, you can say these people have it all.

By now everyone knows that the main reason I quit the club is AHU. Because he does not know when to stop.

And if ever you're reading this now, you wanna know what I think of you? Isa't kalahating bobo. You can say you're a dimwit. You're probably gay for wanting to turn the tables against Nish.


After my announcement, a funny thing happened. A number of people reacted, asking exactly what happened. Because they know I would not make such decisions without thinking clearly.

And they're right.


But why did they have to wait for things to get this bad for them to come out and say something?

Simple.

Because they denied the fact that the trouble is right under their noses.
They refused to recognize its existence.
They waited all this time to wake up and see it with their own eyes.
They didn't want to do anything about it.
Because they didn't want to get involved in it.
Especially when they know they can't handle it.

This is precisely the reason why I strived, even on my own, to hold on to this club. Because I thought that if I won't act, no one else will.

And I was right.

Even PussyfierANN knows that.


Some people begged me to stay. Even after I quit, they implored for me to go back.

"You never know the value of something until it's lost."

Yesterday while I was at school, being the ordinary student I am, I carried my paper bag with my notebook and mineral water in it (I'm still under medication for my UTI), as people stared at the bag because it was one of them goodie bags I got during Dom1nation. :) Aside from that, I know from the pit of my stomach that I felt sick; physically, psychologically and emotionally.

While I watched my friends grieve over the fact that I left them, some of my personal friends congratulated me for waking up to the truth... that I'm better off quitting the club for my own sake. The stress I receive from doing my duties in the club is originally not meant for just one person... We still have more than 50 ACTIVE members. Here is what I told Truze.

They never had a real presence in the club.

You see what I said? "They're there, BUT they don't show the members that they ARE there. I am all they see doing anything. The members know it."

The stress was killing me, therefore quitting was the way to go...

..?


Part III - Come on in my life...


After all has been said and done, I ended up sitting in a corner, mulling over everything that happened in my head.


I cried to Ann, I cried to Adrian (pussyfierWIL), I cried to Arlie (Evespring), and just now I cried to Truze and Rakie (pussyfierKIX). Goodness. It took this long for me to recover and required how many people? *scratch head*

I actually still look as haggard as ever.

Although Ann took me back in the club after my drama episode last night, I still feel the pain because EYA's problem isn't over.

My worry about it.. is whether I stay or go, the problems and issues will never stop.
Because no matter how hard I try to fix people when they fall, one way or another an issue springs up and the devils will once again march.

Take Bryan for example... he really pissed the hell out of me by what he did to Eya.

And this is what a friend told me last night:

***: he is a kid y'know ^^;
MEI: and it hurt me so much because eya suffered
MEI: it's easier to take if physical
***: tsaka ive told you na si ahu has an attitude that i dun like^^;
MEI: pero emotional and mental are two different and more complicated things
***: yes they are x_x
MEI: ang sa akin lang.. ako na tirahin nyo wag lang mga kaibigan ko
MEI: because people that i treat as my true friends mean the world to me
***: you and me both
MEI: i will fight for them to the death
***: i HATE it when people diss my friends.
MEI: it's a concept ahu failed to grasp
***: haaay ganyan talaga mga bata
***: ^^;
MEI: and he even had the balls to say (text) straight to my face na "di mo kasi alam ung nakita ko kanina ingame eh. di ko na share senyo kasi nasabi nyo na gusto nyong sabihin without getting my side."
***: (hmm.. i am still a kid tho.)
MEI: at least you act and think mature compared to ahu
***: meh
***: i just have low self-esteem

Well, it takes a disaster for people to realize what's been going on under them while they weren't watching. I just hope they learn from this experience and do what is needed to prevent it from happening again.


...But that's fine, at least I have this to get me to smile from time to time. :3

I finally opened the package after a week? :3

It will all pass... But unfortunately, MEI will never go back to what she used to be.



I am learning to be more outspoken and stone-hearted, all thanks to you guys.