Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

9.12.2008

A stone wrapped in fancy paper

Currently Playing: Hysteric Blue - Grow Up (OP theme from Ghosts at School)


I had this funny feeling that something was bound to happen this week (again), and there's no surprise in knowing I was right. Migraine attacked last Monday so I had to go to the clinic to rest. My teammates, Russel and Jay had to escort me to the 21st floor for that. So, kamusta ang production time? -_- What upset me more was the fact that I contributed to the infraction issued on Jay last Sunday. This, in turn, gave my boss (who had a migraine attack like me on the same day) a bad mood when she returned to the office. Life really sucked.

I also got 'the talk' from three people about my status at work: that would be Jay, my dad and my boss.

Last Sunday, he decided to wait for me after shift so we can go to iHooked together. I was finishing my reports for last week.

Jay: Matagal pa ba yan?
Me: Yeah, may 11 scrubs pa kong kailangang i-fill in. (11/15)
Jay: Tapos every week nyong ginagawa yan?
Me: *nods*
Jay: May dagdag ba sa sahod yan?
Me: ..wala. (please don't start..)
Jay: *looks back at Sferm, doing the same reports for our team* Dapat may dagdag man lang sa sahod nyo yan, sayang yung oras at pagod nyo.
Me: Alam ko, but it's how apprentices are... (change subject, di maka-defend) Know what, mauna ka na sa iHooked. I'll try to finish up agad.
Jay: Di na, wala rin naman akong gagawin. Sayang lang pera.
Me: O baka naman wala nang pera? *laughs*
Jay: *chuckles* Ganun na rin yun.

He dozed off in the chair beside me, and later on the infraction was given. Hay! Guilt trip ang lola nyo! Just think, if he went on ahead to iHooked, he wouldn't have fallen asleep in the office. For two straight days I treated him to breakfast as an apology. He didn't ask to, but heck. Next time, I'll really have to do Deep Dive faster. T_T The next day, we were both sitting in the same seats as yesterday.

Jay: Akala ko ba tapos na yan?
Me: Sorry naman! Alam mo namang ansakit sa ulong mag-analyze nito eh. (
QA note: mahirap pag-aralan ang pagkakamali ng iba!!)
Jay: *looks in and shifts the LCD monitor to face him* .......
Me: See?
Jay: ......
Me: Pramis talaga, I'll speed this up. Mauna ka na dun. I'll manage.
(later on, he gets called by someone he knows)
Jay: *stands up* labas lang kami.


Several minutes later, deep dive pa rin ang drama ko.

Jay: *upo ulit* ano?
Me: 3 na lang. Kakatapos ko lang nung kay Anadelle. *pouts* sakit sa ulo.
(biglang dating ni Erlyn.)
Erlyn: Oi Kris! Ba't andito pa kayo ni Jay?
Me: Hinihintay nya kong matapos yung Deep Dive ko. >.<
Erlyn: Waa, kayo na ni Jay?
Me: HA?
Erlyn: *laughs*

People in the department are crazy people, and Erlyn is one of them. I know, she came from Team JC. Takes one to know one. I mean, what's my report got to do with Jay? -_- The whole point of this is, the things I do more often than not get other people in trouble. Pain in the ass talaga. To make it worse, this happened on the same day that I recovered from my migraine. Ano baaaaa.

Second sermon: So I had my coaching session with boss yesterday, around past 2AM. It lasted until the end of shift, me in tears (as usual). Noo question about it -- everything she says about what I tell her, it's all truth. Tagos sa buto. Things have been difficult for me these past few months, what with pressure both at work and at home. My personal life is absolutely NOT making things any better. And this was the day after Mike called and told me the reason why he's not contacting me for 2+ weeks. Dude, you might as well have forgotten you had a girlfriend worried sick about you. As I said, if you're planning to go this path, you might as well tell me and let me go. You're not the only one suffering. I've been on the receiving end of the world's problems and I have no one to vent it out to. Thanks for helping. /sarcasm

Sabishii kuse ni
"Kamatte hoshii" iezu ni nankai hanikan da?
How many times have I felt lonely and said,
"I want you to care about me?"

If my boss reads this, I guess this is another reason why you heard me confess the way I did. Kita mo naman reaksyon ko; kalahating oras akong nagkulong sa cubicle ng CR. Pathetic with a capital P. I haven't cried like that since Mike and I last fought. Wooh.

So I was with my dad earlier on and he asked me about my problems at the workplace.

Dad: Alin ang mas madali, yung agent ka lang o yung nadagdagan ka ng QA reports?
Me: Agent lang.
Dad: E di tanungin mo kung pwedeng bitawan. Tutal wala naman palang dagdag sa sahod.
Me: .... *walks on*
Dad: Diba para kang dumampot ng bato tapos pinukol mo sa ulo?
Me: *laughs* parang ganun nga..
Dad: Kung may increase, sana you can say na binalot mo yung bato ng hundred-peso bills. At least it kind of softens the blow.
Me: Parang reward and punishment? At least you suffer for something but get rewarded for it..
Dad: *nods*


This was when I realized, he's right. It goes the same for other stuff you take upon yourself to do, and end up not doing because you lose interest or you lack the motivation to do so. He just has no idea how many times I've thought of doing worse.

But then again, as hypocritical people say, we have to make sacrifices. Whether they're for your own good or for others, you'll experience it at least once in a lifetime. Problem is, you don't know how long you have to keep doing it in order to actually see the results. Speaking of problems, reality check: they're a part of life. You dish it, you deal with it. It's like bubblegum stuck on your pants, it won't go away unless you do something about it.

*sigh*

7.06.2008

Back to Basics

Currently Playing: Utada Hikaru - Keep Tryin'


I filed my VL last week, so I have 4 days straight with nothing to do, and all the time to myself. I'm looking forward to having my tired nerves treated to a massage sometime soon (time to use that Suriya gift card!), in fact I already started. I treated myself to foot spa yesterday at Waltermart before I went home. :3

It's been so long since I knew the feeling of relaxed pleasure.


Burn out = Pressure + Exhaustion
The past two weeks have been nothing but hell for me; one blow after another coming in and breaking me into pieces, literally. There was only one sentence that made me realize how much I've changed: "Your style is totally different now.. you're no longer sweet." People knew me for being the cheery neko and always have been the noisy, chattery girl whose giggle was contagious. Well I got to keep the giggle part. But I wasn't happy inside. I never once complained about work, but if people start abusing me, I have a high tendency of breaking. I used to stand up and fight back, but lately I've been feeling too helpless that I couldn't even start to lift a finger. Words used to have more spite, but in the world I am now, that's all they are: just words.

I thought of quitting more than once. This part is normal. But for me to think of morbid things against these people who've been putting me under much strain is another. If I remember correctly, a good friend once told me this: "If looks can kill, you'd be an assassin by now." I was reminded of it when Jenn told me 'how scary I look when I'm not smiling'. (seriously, do I look that bad?) Now I tell him, what good can looks do? I never have free rein, and don't wish for it, coz if I do get that I'll start taking revenge in an underhanded way.

I wish I can make them regret they were ever born.

Lately I've also been feeling that I ought to be with myself, socializing has just not been as fun as it used to be. Ate Jenn, one of my teammates and probably my closest colleague, commented on this odd demeanor she noticed. She said I was isolating myself, expressing worry that my scores may be affecting me too much. Well it's not just that, there's more to it. :( "Think of Dyo isolating herself for a while (after you fought), then think of me, and triple that."

...Ah well, good old days. How I miss them. :(


Dreaming of London
Speaking of taking a vacation, I always wanted to go to London. Not the modern one, I want to see it when it was just the era of steam engines and foggy cobblestone streets. I've always had a place in my heart for this era -- back when I was bumming around at home, I used to sketch how I visualize those days. What was it back then, Victorian period? I just remembered I wanted to watch the second season of Emma: A Victorian Romance. ^_^ Now that I have BitTorrent, I just wished I had time to download eps off the net.


Hey, there's a dog!

I know for sure foot spa hasn't been invented back then. Heck. XD


Searching for Inspiration
2 words: Saiunkoku Monogatari. I'm 10 episodes away from concluding Season 1 on DVD (but I did watch it on Animax too), and the more I watch, the more I'm convinced that after I've taken my rest, I can resume my work with a healthy start.

I'll be watching Season 2 later tonight on Crunchyroll. Watch it and give it a try. Don't let the thought of Fushigi Yugi ruin this series for you. IT IS DIFFERENT.

Anyways, I think it's time I go to sleep. WL Online on fishing and remote mode, all's well. Ta-ta~