Back to Basics

Currently Playing: Utada Hikaru - Keep Tryin'


I filed my VL last week, so I have 4 days straight with nothing to do, and all the time to myself. I'm looking forward to having my tired nerves treated to a massage sometime soon (time to use that Suriya gift card!), in fact I already started. I treated myself to foot spa yesterday at Waltermart before I went home. :3

It's been so long since I knew the feeling of relaxed pleasure.


Burn out = Pressure + Exhaustion
The past two weeks have been nothing but hell for me; one blow after another coming in and breaking me into pieces, literally. There was only one sentence that made me realize how much I've changed: "Your style is totally different now.. you're no longer sweet." People knew me for being the cheery neko and always have been the noisy, chattery girl whose giggle was contagious. Well I got to keep the giggle part. But I wasn't happy inside. I never once complained about work, but if people start abusing me, I have a high tendency of breaking. I used to stand up and fight back, but lately I've been feeling too helpless that I couldn't even start to lift a finger. Words used to have more spite, but in the world I am now, that's all they are: just words.

I thought of quitting more than once. This part is normal. But for me to think of morbid things against these people who've been putting me under much strain is another. If I remember correctly, a good friend once told me this: "If looks can kill, you'd be an assassin by now." I was reminded of it when Jenn told me 'how scary I look when I'm not smiling'. (seriously, do I look that bad?) Now I tell him, what good can looks do? I never have free rein, and don't wish for it, coz if I do get that I'll start taking revenge in an underhanded way.

I wish I can make them regret they were ever born.

Lately I've also been feeling that I ought to be with myself, socializing has just not been as fun as it used to be. Ate Jenn, one of my teammates and probably my closest colleague, commented on this odd demeanor she noticed. She said I was isolating myself, expressing worry that my scores may be affecting me too much. Well it's not just that, there's more to it. :( "Think of Dyo isolating herself for a while (after you fought), then think of me, and triple that."

...Ah well, good old days. How I miss them. :(


Dreaming of London
Speaking of taking a vacation, I always wanted to go to London. Not the modern one, I want to see it when it was just the era of steam engines and foggy cobblestone streets. I've always had a place in my heart for this era -- back when I was bumming around at home, I used to sketch how I visualize those days. What was it back then, Victorian period? I just remembered I wanted to watch the second season of Emma: A Victorian Romance. ^_^ Now that I have BitTorrent, I just wished I had time to download eps off the net.

Hey, there's a dog!

I know for sure foot spa hasn't been invented back then. Heck. XD


Searching for Inspiration
2 words: Saiunkoku Monogatari. I'm 10 episodes away from concluding Season 1 on DVD (but I did watch it on Animax too), and the more I watch, the more I'm convinced that after I've taken my rest, I can resume my work with a healthy start.

I'll be watching Season 2 later tonight on Crunchyroll. Watch it and give it a try. Don't let the thought of Fushigi Yugi ruin this series for you. IT IS DIFFERENT.

Anyways, I think it's time I go to sleep. WL Online on fishing and remote mode, all's well. Ta-ta~

Tears of Blood

Currently Playing: Jewelry - Again

Is it worth risking everything for one last chance?

2 nights ago a disaster hit the Pussyfierz Club because for the first time in months, I decided to go ahead with my plan of quitting the club. (haha. as if.)


Reason? I got fed up of all the sh*t they manage to come up with and because they ruined someone's life.

They ruined my friend's life.

One of the few people I consider my CLOSEST friends.

I was crushed.


Part I - I wanna be all right...


That night, Bryan (pussyfierAHU) released a blind item about a member who is iba ibang tao ang kinakasama araw araw (suggesting "playing the field"). I knew the person he was pertaining to, and I know her better than Bryan ever will.

He accused Nish (pussyfierEYA) of being a player just because he saw her being all sweet with pussyfierJEA one day, and being all sweet with JustJoe of Exoduz on the next.

Then add the fact that Marvin (pussyfierLYT) just broke up with her a few days ago.

Terribly wrong at first glance right?


Now if you find out that JEA is nothing more than a friend and that she refused to let him court her because she was still in grieving...

And that JustJoe has been her friend even before she joined the Pussyfierz...

Who is put in the Truth Chair?


I asked him that night,

"What the hell have you been doing? What's all this ruckus on the GMs? Didn't you understand what I meant by NO FIGHT BROADCASTS ON GMS?"

And he answered this.

"Di mo kasi alam yung nakita ko on game kanina eh. Di ko na share sa inyo kasi nasabi nyo naman yung gusto nyong sabihin without getting my side."

~ Kung hindi "pinangungunahan" ang tawag dun, aba'y ewan ko na sa inyo.


Part II - NEVER SAY GOODBYE...


I had Jesse send a GM on my behalf, led by a crisp "POTANGNA NYONG LAHAT!", and scolding each and every one of them retards for once again, fighting on Group Messages. What part of "WAG MAG-AWAY SA GM" did they not understand? Even a Grade 1 student would probably get it, and keep mum about whatever it is he has to say. Especially when he's been scolded for the same reason over and over again. But no, this isn't the case for these people. If you ever lack persistence, you can say these people have it all.

By now everyone knows that the main reason I quit the club is AHU. Because he does not know when to stop.

And if ever you're reading this now, you wanna know what I think of you? Isa't kalahating bobo. You can say you're a dimwit. You're probably gay for wanting to turn the tables against Nish.


After my announcement, a funny thing happened. A number of people reacted, asking exactly what happened. Because they know I would not make such decisions without thinking clearly.

And they're right.


But why did they have to wait for things to get this bad for them to come out and say something?

Simple.

Because they denied the fact that the trouble is right under their noses.
They refused to recognize its existence.
They waited all this time to wake up and see it with their own eyes.
They didn't want to do anything about it.
Because they didn't want to get involved in it.
Especially when they know they can't handle it.

This is precisely the reason why I strived, even on my own, to hold on to this club. Because I thought that if I won't act, no one else will.

And I was right.

Even PussyfierANN knows that.


Some people begged me to stay. Even after I quit, they implored for me to go back.

"You never know the value of something until it's lost."

Yesterday while I was at school, being the ordinary student I am, I carried my paper bag with my notebook and mineral water in it (I'm still under medication for my UTI), as people stared at the bag because it was one of them goodie bags I got during Dom1nation. :) Aside from that, I know from the pit of my stomach that I felt sick; physically, psychologically and emotionally.

While I watched my friends grieve over the fact that I left them, some of my personal friends congratulated me for waking up to the truth... that I'm better off quitting the club for my own sake. The stress I receive from doing my duties in the club is originally not meant for just one person... We still have more than 50 ACTIVE members. Here is what I told Truze.

They never had a real presence in the club.

You see what I said? "They're there, BUT they don't show the members that they ARE there. I am all they see doing anything. The members know it."

The stress was killing me, therefore quitting was the way to go...

..?


Part III - Come on in my life...


After all has been said and done, I ended up sitting in a corner, mulling over everything that happened in my head.


I cried to Ann, I cried to Adrian (pussyfierWIL), I cried to Arlie (Evespring), and just now I cried to Truze and Rakie (pussyfierKIX). Goodness. It took this long for me to recover and required how many people? *scratch head*

I actually still look as haggard as ever.

Although Ann took me back in the club after my drama episode last night, I still feel the pain because EYA's problem isn't over.

My worry about it.. is whether I stay or go, the problems and issues will never stop.
Because no matter how hard I try to fix people when they fall, one way or another an issue springs up and the devils will once again march.

Take Bryan for example... he really pissed the hell out of me by what he did to Eya.

And this is what a friend told me last night:

***: he is a kid y'know ^^;
MEI: and it hurt me so much because eya suffered
MEI: it's easier to take if physical
***: tsaka ive told you na si ahu has an attitude that i dun like^^;
MEI: pero emotional and mental are two different and more complicated things
***: yes they are x_x
MEI: ang sa akin lang.. ako na tirahin nyo wag lang mga kaibigan ko
MEI: because people that i treat as my true friends mean the world to me
***: you and me both
MEI: i will fight for them to the death
***: i HATE it when people diss my friends.
MEI: it's a concept ahu failed to grasp
***: haaay ganyan talaga mga bata
***: ^^;
MEI: and he even had the balls to say (text) straight to my face na "di mo kasi alam ung nakita ko kanina ingame eh. di ko na share senyo kasi nasabi nyo na gusto nyong sabihin without getting my side."
***: (hmm.. i am still a kid tho.)
MEI: at least you act and think mature compared to ahu
***: meh
***: i just have low self-esteem

Well, it takes a disaster for people to realize what's been going on under them while they weren't watching. I just hope they learn from this experience and do what is needed to prevent it from happening again.


...But that's fine, at least I have this to get me to smile from time to time. :3

I finally opened the package after a week? :3

It will all pass... But unfortunately, MEI will never go back to what she used to be.



I am learning to be more outspoken and stone-hearted, all thanks to you guys.

It finally came! xD

Currently Playing: Calla Lily - Pasan

First off, check this out~ [Clickie!]

I won~! I won~! I got an original DVD and a keyring~!


And... It finally came!!

Wee 1-day delivery! Galing~ *clap clap*

Nakakapanghinayang buksan! x.o

They gave me the Kadaj keyring~ oh joy! XD

I know I look stupid in those pics. ZIP IT!! You can't blame a girl for going gaga over her prizes! xD

And since I haven't re-installed my Photoshop, my captions look like crap. HAHAHAHA~


Another thing, I posted an announcement for the Pussyfierz right HERE.

Be sure to watch out for us @ Lineage II-SEA! ^__^

Ah well, that's all I wanted to make an update for. I'm rather lazy and broken-hearted. =)


Sankyu Animax~! :* (for the prize!)