Currently Playing: Utada Hikaru - Keep Tryin'
I filed my VL last week, so I have 4 days straight with nothing to do, and all the time to myself. I'm looking forward to having my tired nerves treated to a massage sometime soon (time to use that Suriya gift card!), in fact I already started. I treated myself to foot spa yesterday at Waltermart before I went home. :3
It's been so long since I knew the feeling of relaxed pleasure.
Burn out = Pressure + Exhaustion
The past two weeks have been nothing but hell for me; one blow after another coming in and breaking me into pieces, literally. There was only one sentence that made me realize how much I've changed: "Your style is totally different now.. you're no longer sweet." People knew me for being the cheery neko and always have been the noisy, chattery girl whose giggle was contagious. Well I got to keep the giggle part. But I wasn't happy inside. I never once complained about work, but if people start abusing me, I have a high tendency of breaking. I used to stand up and fight back, but lately I've been feeling too helpless that I couldn't even start to lift a finger. Words used to have more spite, but in the world I am now, that's all they are: just words.
I thought of quitting more than once. This part is normal. But for me to think of morbid things against these people who've been putting me under much strain is another. If I remember correctly, a good friend once told me this: "If looks can kill, you'd be an assassin by now." I was reminded of it when Jenn told me 'how scary I look when I'm not smiling'. (seriously, do I look that bad?) Now I tell him, what good can looks do? I never have free rein, and don't wish for it, coz if I do get that I'll start taking revenge in an underhanded way.
I wish I can make them regret they were ever born.
Lately I've also been feeling that I ought to be with myself, socializing has just not been as fun as it used to be. Ate Jenn, one of my teammates and probably my closest colleague, commented on this odd demeanor she noticed. She said I was isolating myself, expressing worry that my scores may be affecting me too much. Well it's not just that, there's more to it. :( "Think of Dyo isolating herself for a while (after you fought), then think of me, and triple that."
...Ah well, good old days. How I miss them. :(
Dreaming of London
Speaking of taking a vacation, I always wanted to go to London. Not the modern one, I want to see it when it was just the era of steam engines and foggy cobblestone streets. I've always had a place in my heart for this era -- back when I was bumming around at home, I used to sketch how I visualize those days. What was it back then, Victorian period? I just remembered I wanted to watch the second season of Emma: A Victorian Romance. ^_^ Now that I have BitTorrent, I just wished I had time to download eps off the net.
I filed my VL last week, so I have 4 days straight with nothing to do, and all the time to myself. I'm looking forward to having my tired nerves treated to a massage sometime soon (time to use that Suriya gift card!), in fact I already started. I treated myself to foot spa yesterday at Waltermart before I went home. :3
It's been so long since I knew the feeling of relaxed pleasure.
Burn out = Pressure + Exhaustion
The past two weeks have been nothing but hell for me; one blow after another coming in and breaking me into pieces, literally. There was only one sentence that made me realize how much I've changed: "Your style is totally different now.. you're no longer sweet." People knew me for being the cheery neko and always have been the noisy, chattery girl whose giggle was contagious. Well I got to keep the giggle part. But I wasn't happy inside. I never once complained about work, but if people start abusing me, I have a high tendency of breaking. I used to stand up and fight back, but lately I've been feeling too helpless that I couldn't even start to lift a finger. Words used to have more spite, but in the world I am now, that's all they are: just words.
I thought of quitting more than once. This part is normal. But for me to think of morbid things against these people who've been putting me under much strain is another. If I remember correctly, a good friend once told me this: "If looks can kill, you'd be an assassin by now." I was reminded of it when Jenn told me 'how scary I look when I'm not smiling'. (seriously, do I look that bad?) Now I tell him, what good can looks do? I never have free rein, and don't wish for it, coz if I do get that I'll start taking revenge in an underhanded way.
I wish I can make them regret they were ever born.
Lately I've also been feeling that I ought to be with myself, socializing has just not been as fun as it used to be. Ate Jenn, one of my teammates and probably my closest colleague, commented on this odd demeanor she noticed. She said I was isolating myself, expressing worry that my scores may be affecting me too much. Well it's not just that, there's more to it. :( "Think of Dyo isolating herself for a while (after you fought), then think of me, and triple that."
...Ah well, good old days. How I miss them. :(
Dreaming of London
Speaking of taking a vacation, I always wanted to go to London. Not the modern one, I want to see it when it was just the era of steam engines and foggy cobblestone streets. I've always had a place in my heart for this era -- back when I was bumming around at home, I used to sketch how I visualize those days. What was it back then, Victorian period? I just remembered I wanted to watch the second season of Emma: A Victorian Romance. ^_^ Now that I have BitTorrent, I just wished I had time to download eps off the net.
Hey, there's a dog!
I know for sure foot spa hasn't been invented back then. Heck. XD
Searching for Inspiration
2 words: Saiunkoku Monogatari. I'm 10 episodes away from concluding Season 1 on DVD (but I did watch it on Animax too), and the more I watch, the more I'm convinced that after I've taken my rest, I can resume my work with a healthy start.
I'll be watching Season 2 later tonight on Crunchyroll. Watch it and give it a try. Don't let the thought of Fushigi Yugi ruin this series for you. IT IS DIFFERENT.
Anyways, I think it's time I go to sleep. WL Online on fishing and remote mode, all's well. Ta-ta~
Searching for Inspiration
2 words: Saiunkoku Monogatari. I'm 10 episodes away from concluding Season 1 on DVD (but I did watch it on Animax too), and the more I watch, the more I'm convinced that after I've taken my rest, I can resume my work with a healthy start.
I'll be watching Season 2 later tonight on Crunchyroll. Watch it and give it a try. Don't let the thought of Fushigi Yugi ruin this series for you. IT IS DIFFERENT.
Anyways, I think it's time I go to sleep. WL Online on fishing and remote mode, all's well. Ta-ta~
No comments:
Post a Comment