It was him who first talked to me about his problems (we talked a lot on RO last year). Like Rielene, he told me about everything; from his college graduation to the 3rd party issue. He told only me, someone he knew for only 3 months then. He didn't even bother to tell those things to his 4+ year-old barkada. Weird right? After a lot of thinking, I never got to know how that even started. I just knew he was still sore after his ex broke up with him, and I just happened to be there. Maybe it was because I was the only member who actually talked to him about something other than WOE, Zeny, Forbidden... Ragnarok in general.
I thought, maybe he's confident telling me because we haven't even met. Helping him was like second nature to me... As common as my 3 meals, my daily walks, and my daily rounds in HO. One of my reasons for helping him was just to erase unnecessary thoughts. I wanted our guild to be known as an elite guild. One that is feared and respected. One that can conquer, defend, and manage a Castle. And this guild needed a GM who concentrated his thoughtson the guild. And he was that GM, who once led the coup 'd etat against a former guildmaster's tyranny. (Yes, our guild in Fenrir had a very dramatic history. XD) Because of my contributions to the guild, I was escalated from a mere 2nd generation member to a member of the elite guild circle. (I left that position to continue being an extension GM) I never realized that what I did meant another thing to him till it was too late.
Back then... I was committed to someone else. I had a boyfriend of only 3 months, and Kyle was then 6 months sore from his heartbreak. My (ex-)boyfriend (whom I will refer to as Uriel or Uri from here on) was his confidante back in the early days of pRO Fenrir. A few weeks after I managed to heal Kyle's wounds, he told me he wanted to visit "us" (all the guild members) in LB. So he disclosed his plans, his companion, and the next day, we met. For the first time in 2 months of acquaintance, we saw each other for real. Me? At first, I was like, "Big deal. C'mon in, guild meeting's about to start!" (LOL XD) Actually, what I first said was, "So, who's who?" (LOL) That night, we all played in the same shop, managed to snag ourselves a nice castle, and everyone went over to Quincey's shop for a reunion of pioneer members.
~*~ fast forward ~*~
A month passed. I became more and more involved with the game and the guild I nurtured. After one unsuccesful defense of the agit, the guild held a meeting behind the Prontera Church. The usual rants and senseless comments flooded the chatroom a member set up. Soon after, all that's left was just the two of us. Though it may not have been evident, I was sort of his right hand (wo)man, a personal assistant. After all siege issues were settled, he started a different topic; our personal lives. He told me all sorts of things... From his friends' activities to his mom and niece. And he said he'd love to visit LB again. He loved the atmosphere, and the food. Our conversation seemed to last forever until Uriel called me out. He said he wanted to talk.
Once we were alone, he told me something Kyle told him some time ago. "I think I'm falling for her." Uriel said he understood that, since I was like his bestfriend in-game. And indeed I was. But certain misunderstandings led to others creating a chain reaction, and this was the very reason why Uriel broke up with me. Then, it was my turn.
For girls, one of the most painful experiences would be having her boyfriend break up with her. Not telling her straight to her face makes things worse. Loving too much is another big mistake. And when he takes it back, rejecting it would seem less painful than taking him back when all damage has been done. When I received that message, it just happened that I was talking to Kyle on my cellphone via headset. And when I read it, I immediately burst into tears. The next day, Kyle went over to my home in Santa Rosa (all the way from Valenzuela) to comfort me. It was only the second time we met in real life.
I didn't want another heartache, I just wanted to isolate myself. I began to think: Why the hell did I end up with him, what with all the guys I know would treat me better? Why did I choose him, when in the first place, I had a dozen to choose from? That's because people are not my collection. Wtf is with the phrase "collection of friends"? People aren't stuffed toys. They're living, breathing human beings with a heart. Kyle prove that to me when he came over to see me. It was the first time a guy stood with me, even ignoring my mom's vicious observations. He became my ray of light.
With tamed hatred I came face to face with the "man" who rejected me. All I wanted was to make him suffer as I did. Vengeance was indeed best served cold. But only his fire melted me a bit... Just to the point that I wouldn't disregard him like trash. We said our final goodbyes, and I chose my bestfriend's company over him.
Many things happened since that time; the guild's (or at least, majority of the guild) long-term wish, that Kyle and I get together, came true in real life. In-game, we merged with another powerful guild and gained the name we currently carry, we established alliances, we gained and lost members. But in real life, things started to get nasty, which affected our gamer lives. Kyle gave in to Quincey's words and entered the continent of Mu, while slowly losing grip of Ragnarok, and the guild. I was being left with the responsibility of holding the guild together in his absence. But this wasn't enough, for Kyle held a unique presence; one I cannot replace. I was faced with the harsh reality of a breaking guild due to the absence of its leader. And my pleas for his return were unheard. So after a few months of endless toil (and not to mention, real-life fights because of in-game issues), during Christmas vacation, I retreated to the new world he chose to stay in, holding a curiousity and a little hurt for being left behind. And that's when I met the Holy Order, and eventually left my martyr life in pRO Fenrir. =)
He decided to take a step... I took him in... And we ended up with the best rewards we could've thought of at the time: We had each other. (accidently? :P) Taking risks is natural in relationships. All you need is the courage to fight, the heart to survive, and the goal to keep you intact. I'm sure there are many more, but in my case, I was able to fight it well because I wanted my freedom, no unwanted strings attached.
Just when I was beginning to think I had enough experience with love and hurt combined, he had to work overseas. We both admitted we were weak in long distance relationships (heck, I was on the verge of giving up far too many times for me to mention) and yet he chose to keep us. Well, he fought. And know what? We're still here. =)
At first, it felt a bit painful remembering everything. But in the end, I concluded, that reminiscing... never felt this good. ^_^
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